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Toilet of the Past's Future is an uncommon event in Death Road to Canada.

Event Text

The group discovers something incredible while exploring a house: An actual working toilet. Everyone has been doing their business in the woods.

The toilet has a futuristic control panel full of buttons. [Character] feels compelled to press one, and chooses the button labelled with a picture of:

  • Jets of Water?
  • Musical Notes
  • Wings Flapping
  • A Butt?

Results

Musical Notes

The toilet plays beautiful music. The music has no words, yet conveys a strong and haunting message of hope.

  • [Party] +4 Morale

The future toilet emits a whirring noise and stops working.

Jets of Water?

The toilet sprays an enormous amount of water from a hidden bidet. This coats the room in water, but most of it hits [Character] right in the eyes.

The others are delighted by this!

  • [Other Characters] +2 Morale

But wait! The bidet water was medicated and pleasantly scented! [Character]'s vision sharpens!

The group is fully healed by the medicated bidet water!

  • [Party] fully healed

The future toilet emits a whirring noise and stops working.

Wings Flapping

The toilet's lid opens and closes rapidly, with big WHOOMP sounds as the lid flings out gusts of air. The lid opens and closes about 30 times in a row, then stops. [Character] is confused by the purpose of this function.

The future toilet emits a whirring noise and stops working.

A Butt?

The toilet starts to hum and glow slightly.

[Character] sits down. The electronic toilet gives them a powerful gluteal* message, as the toilet repeatedly chants in different languages:

THE GLUTES ARE THE KEY TO FITNESS

THE GLUTES ARE THE KEY TO STRENGTH

THE GLUTES ARE THE KEY TO POWER

THE GLUTES ARE THE CENTER OF LIFE

The future toilet emits a whirring noise and stops working.

*Vocabulary note: Gluteal means 'butt'

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